Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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