we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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