remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
