I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
