well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
