It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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