no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
