I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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