the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
