nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
