Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
