I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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