I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
