Nicole vs. Life
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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