you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
