Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Quick, to the slutcave!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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