he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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