I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Randomize
