he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
