I don't remember. Are we still dating?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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