I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
