Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Acid is not a monday night drug
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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