Too much gin, very little bucket
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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