Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
