i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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