currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
