I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
