Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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