ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
