Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
