id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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