he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
