I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
