we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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