its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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