I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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