i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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