I've blown a few things in my day
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
