I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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