Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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