I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
