i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
