Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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