did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
