Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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