there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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