Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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