Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
