You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
