You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Drake has all the answers
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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